A child once watched a butterfly struggle to emerge from its cocoon. Wanting to help, he gently cut it open. The butterfly slipped out easily—but its wings were small and shriveled. It never flew.

The struggle, as hard as it looked, was necessary. Pressing through the cocoon forced blood into the wings, giving them strength to soar.

Parenting teens through faith formation is much the same. The struggle you see in your teen’s belief—the questions, doubts, and wrestling—isn’t a sign of failure. It’s the process that can give their faith wings.

1. Struggle Is Part of Real Faith

Faith that has never been tested often remains shallow. God Himself invites questions and wrestling.

• Jacob wrestled with God and walked away transformed (Genesis 32:24–30).
• Thomas doubted, and Jesus met him with grace (John 20:24–29).
• The Psalms are filled with raw cries of confusion, lament, and faith in tension.

When your teen asks hard questions, they are moving from inherited faith to owned faith. This transition is essential for a belief that endures into adulthood.

“These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold.” (1 Peter 1:7, NLT)

2. The Parent’s Role: Patience in the Process

It’s tempting to step in and “fix” the struggle—to provide quick answers, shut down doubt, or shield them from hard questions. But like cutting the cocoon, it can stunt growth.

What patience looks like:

• Listening without rushing: Let them fully express themselves.
• Asking, not just answering: “What makes you feel that way?” invites reflection.
• Trusting God’s timing: Faith isn’t a sprint; it’s a lifelong journey.

“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”(James 1:4, NLT)

3. The Gift of Owned Faith

When teens wrestle and come through the other side, their faith is no longer yours—it’s theirs.

Owned faith:

• Stands when no parent is watching.
• Engages culture with conviction, not just compliance.
• Anchors them in storms because it has been tested.

This is the gold Scripture speaks of: faith refined by fire, strong and radiant. And the struggle was not a detour—it was the pathway.

4. Encouragement for Weary Parents

You may feel anxious watching your teen wrestle, but take heart:

• God loves them even more than you do.
• He is patient with their process—and with yours.
• The Holy Spirit is at work, even when you cannot see it.

Pray for them. Model a faith that is honest and enduring. Then trust that the struggle is shaping wings that will one day take flight.

“I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished.” (Philippians 1:6, NLT)